whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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