Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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