A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I want is dick and wine.
The adults are the big ones right?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
