dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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