I think I died a long time ago.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize