I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
