I just threw up on my dentist
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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