I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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