dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
