foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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