Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize