My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
