Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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