I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
