The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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