I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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