so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
