Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
