so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
