and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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