oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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