I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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