Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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