just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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