You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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