Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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