dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
