Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
