Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
