Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
