I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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