I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
