if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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