Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
