I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize