Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
