Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
