Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
