My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
