he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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