You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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