I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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