The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
