she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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