im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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