The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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