apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
