Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
