Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
