you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize