I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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