theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
