I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
