similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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