i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
