my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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