I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
