me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need to wash the frat house off of me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
