I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
