Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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