So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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