Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
