I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
