i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
