This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
