I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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