dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
