How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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