i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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