He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
