You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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