So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
